Thursday, December 1, 2011

All I Need

"You hold my every moment. You calm my raging seas. You walk with me through fire and heal all my disease. I trust in You. I trust in You! I believe You're my healer. I believe You are all I need. I believe You're my portion. I believe You're more than enough for me; Jesus, You're all I need!...Nothing is impossible for You...You hold my world in Your hands!" - "Healer" by Hillsong

       So, it has not exactly been a secret that I have struggled with a serious injury to my back. I was diagnosed with deteriorating disc disease and told that I must have surgery to prevent me from losing control of my body from the waist down. At the time, that seemed like pretty scary stuff and for a moment, I was overwhelmed. I felt like I was going through yet another horrible struggle alone.

       A year and a half ago, My husband and I separated and since then, I have felt all the struggles of life and stressful situations were sitting squarely on my shoulders with noone to help me shoulder the burden. My dad, who I thought would be someone to confide in, Is going through his own struggles and doesn't seem to have any other way to cope than to shut himself off from the world. I felt so alone...until I prayed. When I remembered who I was and Whose I was, I remembered the power that is available when I run to my Heavenly Father's throneroom. At the moment when I felt the most helpless and felt like giving up, I fell back on the promises of God. I took an inventory of what I knew.

        First, God has already won the victory over sin and death through the blood of my Lord, Jesus Christ. This is the cornerstone of my faith because I know that no matter what, I will be ok. No sickness, no illness, NOTHING can separate me from God. (Romans 8:38-39) Death itself holds no power over me because Jesus defeated it. Even if I die, I will be present with the Lord.
       Second, I know that God has plans for me and they are not plans for harm for me. They are plans for my good and the good of the ministry that He has chosen for me. (Jeremiah 29:11) Also, He has begun a good work in me and will most definitely see it through to completeion! (Philippians 1:6)

       At this point, I began to feel myself calming down and peace entering back into my heart. You cannot know the depth of the comfort and the peace that lies in the knowledge of Who God is and what He has promise. Truly, truly, knowing Him is what makes me continue in the race. Then, I was able to approach my health with a little bit of a different perspective. I know that God is my Healer, and I know that no matter what, my life is in His hands to do with as He pleases.

       I went to all the doctor appointments, and God gave me favor to get all the releases I needed in order to be able to schedule surgery. He also gave me favor with my professors, so that I would be given the opportunity to have flexible options with my assignments. He was even with me as I prepared for the surgery. The nurses were finding it impossible to get an IV started in my troublesome veins. One of the nurses decided to try again and she prayed, "Father, please guide my hand in Jesus Holy Name." The needle went in without any trouble and the IV started just as beautful as you please!

       I know that God guided the hands of my surgeon and was with the surgical staff, giving them the expertise that they needed in order to help me. The surgery was a success, and I was only in the hospital for 24 hours before they released me. During my discharge discussion with my doctor, she advised me to taper off my pain meds because she felt that I would definitely be addicted to them. I told her that the devil is a liar! I took the meds for the first week or so, but when the pain began to leave my body, I discontinued it. I was on a synthetic type of morphine for about 6 months, and I have had absolutely no sign of any withdrawal, whatsoever. I simply asked God to not allow me to be addicted to anything but Him. He is always faithful! I am on my third day with no pain meds other than Aleve. God is so good! I'm walking without assistance of any kind, and I have so much more energy! I am even losing all the water weight that I had gained due to the medications that I was on! Praise God! He is truly my Healer!

       I also want to send out a heartfelt thank you to all of my wonderful family in Christ who have faithfully kept me lifted up in prayer. I am sure that things would not have turned out quite as well or half as sweetly if I did not have you! I love you all!


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