Wednesday, March 12, 2014

What Jesus is Healing in Me Lately

I went into that retreat not really knowing what to expect, but I knew that I needed something. I was so weary, and I was definitely dreading entering into the Spring semester. Maybe I had a major breakthrough while I was there, but maybe I just began to see what God had been working in me all along.

For so long, I had dealt with feelings of unworthiness and had never been able to really accept the love of God, no matter how much I knew that He was willingly offering it. Moving up to that retreat, God had already been working that in me, and had brought me from "God could never love me" to "God loves me, but...," and through that retreat, He brought me to "God loves me, period." After the retreat, He brought me farther still, to "God loves me, so...," the hope of promise and a future. For a while, I basked in that revelation and enjoyed my new closeness to the Lord.

God's love reaches us exactly where we are, but it is never content to leave us there.

Lately, the Lord has been working in me to purge me of my pride. I have learned that pride often masquerades as fear and self-doubt...even self-loathing. The fact is that all these things still focus on self! I have this tendency to crave affirmation from other people, such to the point that God's affirmation on my life is not enough for me. That is idolatry, pure and simple. That truth stings, for sure, but it also heals. The first step to healing is the acknowledgement of my brokenness. As the Lord and I explore to find where the root of that problem lies, I hope that my personal transformation will teach me things to help heal others in turn.


Saturday, October 12, 2013

Dying to self

Recently, I made a facebook post asking, "How do you view the nature of faith in Christ in the midst of suffering and in the context of community?" One response I received was a simple, "Dying to yourself to give to others." I wondered to myself just how many people actually know what that really means...what dying to yourself actually looks like.

Friday, August 2, 2013

What My Son Taught Me - Part One

One day, as I was cooking supper, I was blown away by a revelation that began years ago, with my son. It was a picture of beauty that brought me to tears...

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Sacrificial Atonement

This is a term paper that I wrote for Old Testament Introduction during my first semester in seminary. I enjoyed writing this paper thoroughly. Enjoy, but please don't plagiarize.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Little Is Much

Today, I participated in a Day of Service with other students from Asbury Theological Seminary. When I got to our service project site this morning, I didn't really know what to expect. I knew that we would be doing some cleaning, but it was morning, and I felt very energetic and ready to work. When I walked into the dormitory that we were going to clean, my heart dropped. I looked around at the peeling paint, dust, and grime, and I wondered how we would make that space seem livable. Today I learned how much God can do with insurmountable tasks.